Interview with Sam Sisakhti on Believe in Yourself Charity

Sam Sisakhti is the founder and CEO of UsTrendy. He was named Boston Magazine's Most Promising Innovator, Mass High Tech's Next Generation of Entrepreneur, and Internet Retailer's Top 10 Most Effective Social Media Marketers. UsTrendy is ranked as a top 500 online retailer in the second edition of the Internet Retailer Top 500 along with one of the 5 fastest growing e-tailers. UsTrendy serves as an online fashion marketplace to over 20,000 sellers from 100 countries. Sam was the 2017 Retail TouchPoints Retail Innovator of Year Award Winner. Sam was also listed on the Power 30 under 30 list which is comprised of the 30 most influential people in sports, media, or business.

Sam Sisakhti is Mass Challenge Judge and recently founded a charity called Believe in Yourself (www.believeinyourself.org) which provides underprivileged girls with clothing for school dances and promotes positive body image through a mentoring program.

Sam has been featured in in the Boston Globe, Inc. Magazine, CBS morning News, ABC Channel 5, US News, Boston Herald, Women's Wear Daily, Forbes, Vogue UK, NY Metro, NPR, FOX News, PBS News Hour, CNN.

I had the privilege of interviewing Sam.


Faten Abdallah (FA): Why did you enter the world of fashion?
Sam Sisakhti (SS): I had a 9 to 5 job which I hated. After four days, I quit the job and went to Vegas where I met my friend who was a fashion designer. I started helping him with his business, and then I thought that I should start a business in which I enable fashion designers to sell their clothing through me. www.UsTrendy.com was launched in 2008 and its a global marketplace where fashion designers sell their clothing.

FA: What did you learn about yourself as an entrepreneur in the fashion
world?
SS: I learned that market is always right. A Lot of times we have merchandisers try to decide what the next trend is but consistently we notice that end of day the people always have the loudest voice.

FA; How can girls improve their confidence despite media and societal
expectations?
SS: Your confidence must come from within. You can not look at outside factors either positive or negative for self validation.


FA: Tell us about Believe in Yourself and its mission.
SS: While running UsTrendy, I observed things which led me to launch Believe in Yourself.  We have had customers post photos of themselves on social media as part of the UsTrendy interaction with our customers. I noticed cyber bullying going on and also body shaming in the comments sections. I found this to be really distasteful and concerning. This was one of the motivations for me to start Believe in Yourself.

At the same time,  I realized the enormous social pressure that many young girls feel to try to be hip and socially cool by wearing clothing that’s seen as stylish. Many girls are unable to afford these fashions and can often feel ashamed and isolated socially. This inspired me to launch Believe in Yourself.

The mission is to promote a positive body image and healthy self esteem among young women at an early age. We want to empower these young girls to feel good about themselves and to take on active social roles within their school communities.

The Believe in Yourself Project goes into community centers, after-school programs, and low-income housing centers to provide designer dresses for underprivileged girls to wear at upcoming school dances. At the same time, we are empowering girls by promoting positive body image through mentoring and speakers.

This Fall, we will roll out our national mentoring programs which will be a weekly mentorship meetings in various cities across country along with online seminars available to all girls through out the country. The mentorship programs and online seminars will be interactive and open table discussions where influential women will mentor and have discussions with the girls about positive body image and anti-cyber bullying.

Visit www.believeinyourself.org for more information.  

Friday Feature: Meet Melody Kiersz

Melody Kiersz is an inspirational speaker, retreat leader, and Body Empowerment Coach. She is on a mission to boost women's self-worth, body image, radical self-love, and fearless authentic expression so they can have the confidence they need to take their love life and business to the next level. Melody is the founder of Naked Wellness and creator of Velvet Butter. 

Meet Melody.

Faten Abdallah (FA): Why is body image such a controversial topic in society?

 Melody Kiersz (MK): I'm not sure if controversial is the word, but it sure is a huge and important topic these days. Many women are waking up to the fact that we've been taught to adhere to a certain standard of beauty, and they are seeing that they have the power to redefine what beauty is for themselves.

We're seeing movements like the Body Image Project, the NU Project and hashtags like #effyourbeautystandard (this last started by Tess Holliday, the first real plus size model signed to an agency) take off, and women sharing pictures of their 'imperfect' bodies and calling each other to love themselves as they are.

As someone who's been speaking and sharing about self-love and body image for years, I'm very happy to see this happening. We're starting to see images in the media shift to incorporate more types of bodies, such as with Melissa McCarthy starring in Spy. Not only was she hilarious, she was also sexy as hell, showing how attractive a woman with a fleshier body can be. We're also seeing actresses and female music stars push back on the media pressure to look a specific way in order to be successful or attractive.

It's a very exciting time right now, and I'm very happy to see women empowering themselves and each other to change the conversation about what it means to be and feel beautiful.

FA: What are some ways women can fight negative body image?

MK: There are many ways to create space for a more positive body image to emerge. Some are more direct, and others a bit roundabout. That's because a negative body image in itself is an issue of thinking we need to 'fix' ourselves in some way, and taking an approach of fixing our body image problem is in some ways counterproductive.

Here are some suggestions:
1. Shift your visual diet
We are constantly bombarded with images trying to sell us a lifestyle that 'requires' us to look a specific way in order to be loved and successful. While it's impossible not to see all these images (and skinny is also beautiful), you can make a point of looking at and appreciating images of all kinds of bodies. There's plenty of body-positive images on instagram (you can follow me @melodykiersz for some), but you can also find some online to print and place around your house in places where you will see them every day. Another option is going to a Burlesque show: they are fun, and known to have people of all shapes, ages and sizes flaunting their stuff on stage.

2. Add daily self-care practices
We spend so much time criticizing the image in the mirror, which is why it's important to counteract this with self-care practices that tell our body how much we love it. You could write a love letter to your body, schedule a massage, go to the sauna or steam room, take a bubble bath... even taking a few minutes every day to caress your body lovingly makes a huge difference in how much you appreciate it.

3. Slow down and increase your pleasure
In our culture, pleasure is both something we pursue and a dirty word. But let's face it, we wouldn't want to be alive if pleasure wasn't available, now would we? So whatever it is that brings you pleasure and enjoyment, do it more. Is it chocolate cake? You have my full permission to indulge in it, but it has to be without guilt. Instead of taking it into your mouth without thought, slow down and look at it, smell it, savor it with all your senses. Or maybe you love to dance, so go ahead: put on some music, and shake your booty like no one is watching. Enjoy every stretch of your skin and movement of your muscles. Or to paint, or draw, or write. Do more of the things that make you feel good, and also pay attention to each thing that brings you pleasure in each moment: it could be the breeze caressing your skin, the delicious scent of garden roses, or a beautiful landscape.

4. Radical self-love
We all have things we don't like about ourselves, and there's no shame in that. But even if you don't like them, you can still love them. Just like maybe you don't like a relative but there's still love and appreciation for them in your heart. Whenever you encounter these parts of yourself that you don't like, try not to shut them off and open your heart to offer them compassion instead. Doing this helps us to feel supported and loved from the inside out so that we are no longer needing the approval of others to feel happy and confident.

5. Safety
A huge reason why women don't feel confident in their skin is also because they don't let themselves. The thing is, when we feel confident, we attract more attention. Sometimes that feels good, but sometimes we don't know what to do with it or it makes us feel like we're not safe. Many times women shrink their radiance to protect themselves, so it's important that they find ways to feel safe no matter the feedback we get from the outside. You can take some martial arts classes, learn the art of saying NO powerfully, and how to communicate your boundaries in a way that they (and you) are respected without having to shut down on your beautiful feminine radiance.

FA: How does body image affect you?

MK: In my view, the issue of body image is a lot more than just skin deep. It's driven by a deep need to have others approve of us because we've sadly been taught that there's something wrong with us since we were little. That no one will love, appreciate and respect us unless we look, be or behave in a particular way.

As women, we're not just taught to stay physically small. We are told we shouldn't be too loud, or too demanding or too selfish. That if we speak up or give directions, we're being bossy. We're essentially taught to not make up too much of a fuss, because no one likes that. We're told in implicit ways that if we take up too much space or too much attention we are casting a shadow over our playmates. We get mixed messages that we should stand out and be better than the other girls, and at the same time not shine so bright that we make them feel inadequate.

This push and pull leaves women feeling trapped. Like they're damned if they do show up in all the sparkle, and their also damned if they don't. It leaves us stuck and feeling like we can't win no matter what we do because we're either going to end up without friends, or we're going to end up without the intimate relationship and/or career that we want. So we play small in life, always wishing things were different.

Bringing it back to the pure physicality of it, having a poor body image leaves us without the confidence and power to go after the things we care about. We spend so much time and energy worrying about how big our ass is and whether we can wear a crop top or not that we have none left for our own projects, dreams or to even think about all the ways in which we could contribute to our communities.

As a general rule, women are prone to think collaboratively, look at the big picture and care about having a community that supports them and others who are facing similar issues. If women spent less time looking at the mirror and wishing they looked different, all that energy could be spent on creating supportive community services that can really have a positive impact on society and the world.

That's why I'm so passionate about the work that I do: when we let go of our focus on looking good and start putting our energy on the things we truly care about, we not only feel so good that our body image and confidence skyrockets, but we're also creating positive change for everyone around us.

FA: How can women build confidence in viewing themselves positively?

 MK: Asides from the tips above, it's also important that women surround themselves with supportive sisters who boost each other's self-confidence. As women, we tend to look at each other and compare, sometimes wishing we had her legs or her nose or her hair. We might even have the thought "Who does she think she is?" when we see a confident woman walking down the street; we feel intimidated and like she's going to get all the things we want. When you notice yourself having that thought, flip it: can you admire this woman and feel inspired by her courage to let herself be seen in her glow? If she can do it, so can you! So every time you see a woman like that on the street, it's a reminder to believe in and love yourself more.

FA: What inspired you to work in this field?

 MK: I've had my own struggles with not just how I felt in my body, but also feeling like I always had to be a 'good girl' and not rock the boat, or risk people (and men!) not liking me. I've always had great boobs, but I I thought that's the only thing guys were attracted to, and I was afraid of scaring them away by asking for what I want or saying how I really felt about something. I thought they would think I'm asking for too much from them, or that I'm too emotional.

Even when I did 'manage' to attract a guy, they would lose interest because I didn't stand up for myself. I thought I thought I was the best most understanding girlfriend in the world and they didn't deserve me, but the reality was that my self-worth was so low that I thought I needed to bend over backwards to keep the guy... and I wasn't even satisfied with the relationship!

I've done a lot of work in the last 13 years to undo all these subconscious patterns that were keeping me trapped. And I see so many women stuck in the same! I want to support them in realizing they are already worthy of love and they don't need to deprive themselves of the foods they like or expressing what they really want in order to be lovable and respected.

FA: What have you learned about yourself as you promote positive body image?

 MK: That I'm pretty tenacious when it comes to spreading the message of radical self-love, especially of all the parts we don't want to see in ourselves (physical, mental or emotional). I really want everyone to deeply get how worthy of love and appreciation they already are. I've definitely given up on spreading this message a few times, but when I check in with myself this is what always comes up and I get back in the saddle. Giving myself the gift of working on something I'm so gifted and passionate about is one of the ways in which I love myself.

FA: Anything else you would like to add? 

MK: Absolutely: for those ladies who are reading this and seeing themselves reflected in my words, please reach out. I'm opening my calendar for 10 complimentary consultations to discover how you're getting in the way of letting the amazingly sexy and powerful woman you carry inside outside of the box of 'shoulds' and out into the world. You can reach me at melody@nakedwellness.com.

More confidence in 11 minutes

If you've ever gotten the feeling that men, in general, are more confident than women, there's a scientific explanation why. 

According to experts, there is actually a part of the brain (the anterior cingulate cortex), that creates more self-doubt in women than in men. 

Workplace wellness expert Michelle McQuaid can help women retrain this part of the brain in 11 minutes-- and she claims it's a career changer.

I had the opportunity to ask Michelle.

Faten Abdallah (FA): What does "Confidence" mean?

Michelle McQuaid (MM): Researchers define confidence as the ability to turn our thoughts into action.  It’s what allows you to start acting and risking and failing, and to stop mumbling and apologizing and hesitating. With it you can take on the world, but without it you remain stuck on the starting block of your own potential.

FA: Is confidence something you can work towards or is it naturally in a person?  How does one build confidence?

MM: Studies suggest that confidence is shaped by the way our brains function, the experiences we've had and perhaps most importantly the choices we prioritize.  This means that while some of us may feel more naturally confident than others, there are choices we can make and behaviors we can practice that will improve our confidence over time.  It appears that confidence can be built by: 

• Being authentic
• Challenging self-doubt when it doesn't serve as well
• Taking action and stepping outside our comfort zone with a willingness to learn from both success and failure

FA: Is it true that men are more confident than women?  Can you explain?

Studies suggest men are more confident than women.  For example when it comes to our careers we know women ask for pay rises four times less frequently than their male colleagues, negotiate salaries of 30% less and won't put themselves forward for promotions unless they meet 100% of the qualifications necessary for a job (while a man will be feel confident enough to apply with 60% of the qualifications).

Researchers put this down to a couple of factors.  For example:

• Our Biology - It appears the the female brain is wired to worry more about making mistakes, to avoid conflicts and ruminate over and over about what might go wrong.  Not only do women have 30% more neurons firing at any one time which can lead them to overthink things, but the cingulate gryus - the brain’s “worry wart”- is larger making women much better at recognizing their mistakes and prone to ruminate on them.  Add to this the higher levels of estrogen and lower levels of testosterone coursing through women's veins, and it’s no wonder their prone to avoiding conflict and risk even at the cost of winning.

• Our Social Experiences - School is where many girls are first rewarded for being good and doing things the "right way": by quietly figuring things out and finding the perfect answer whilst not making a fuss or being challenging in any way.  The result is women often learn early on in life to avoid taking risks or making mistakes, while boys (for whom one study found got eight times more criticism for their conduct) learn that a little scolding or failure can be taken in stride.  Perhaps as a result during the teenage years when girls are six times more likely to drop out of team sports, boys keep playing learning to own victory and survive defeat with some studies suggesting there is a direct link between playing sports in high-school and earning a bigger salary.  It appears to be a vicious social cycle: girls lose confidence, so they quit competing, thus depriving themselves of ways to regain it.  As a result girls walk away believing competence matters more than confidence, but as the studies show at work this is often not the case. 

FA: How can women build more confidence in the workplace?

MM:

• Be authentic. best-selling authors of The Confidence Code, Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, suggest the linchpin choice when it comes to confidence may be authenticity.   By making a virtue out of our differences instead of trying to hide, erase or change them, we allow confidence to emanate from our core.  

• Think less. Note down the stories you’re telling that undermine your confidence and ask: “Is this true? Is this the only explanation for what’s unfolding?” Try to capture as many plausible alternatives as possible and invest your attention on the explanations that build, rather than destroy your confidence.

• Take one small step. Acknowledge your self-doubt and then take a small step outside your comfort zone anyway.  Start with small challenges that allow you to grow, improve and gain confidence. If you fail, think about how you can do it differently next time and try again. If you succeed, set yourself the next challenge and keep stretching yourself forward again and again.

• Focus on how you’re helping others.  Women tend to do much better when they focus on the meaning and purpose behind the actions they’re taking and how this will benefit others.  How will the small step you want to take make someone’s day a little better or easier because you had the courage to act with confidence? 

•     Practice self-compassion.  Don’t let that “mean girl” voice run wild in your head.   Instead talk to yourself like you would to any other friend and be willing to look at your mistakes and short-comings with kindness and understanding.  Acknowledge that you’re “not there yet” but that as long as you stay open to learning and willing to practice, you will get better.

FA: Anything else you would like to add?

MM: One of the most effective ways I've found to help female leaders close the confident gap by feeling more authentic and taking action is to show them how to discover their strengths (the things they're good at and enjoy doing) and find small-busy proof ways to confidently use them to take action each day.  You can try this for yourself at www.strengthschallenge.com which is a free resource to help people feel more confident, energized and happy at work.

Thoughts on: Not Sorry | #ShineStrong Pantene

When I received an email about Pantene's latest video: Not Sorry #ShineStrong Pantene, I was curious to see what the video was about because I enjoy what corporations come up with when promoting their brand name, product or service.  Social Media has played part the way corporations and businesses are now doing business (For those who are not using Social Media, jump in--it isn't too late).  Social Media has allowed not only individuals, but the business world to become more sensitive, more aware of its (and potential) customers' needs. They are able to humanize the company while promoting as well.  Using Social Media responsibly by companies can be a win-win situation for all.

I viewed the video by Pantene.  I thought it was a good message (in fact, I wish other brands would promote and encourage women).  Women tend to say sorry too many times, often times I feel are unnecessary.  I am willing to bet this happens to many of us.  For example, I would be having a conversation with a colleague, she would apologize for having certain work ideas!  When this happens, I always think in my mind, she is not confident in her beliefs.  As a female, I know that we walk a fine line in society--trying to lady like with leadership qualities without appearing "bossy", "mean" or someone with a bad a** attitude.  But when we speak up with ideas, contribute to a conversation, or other types of assistance, we shouldn't add a "sorry".  As the Nike saying goes "Just Do It."