Not Wrapped, but Remembered: Nine Tips for Gifting Your Children with Meaningful Experiences

Instead of breaking the bank to shower your kids with material things this holiday season, authors Andrea and David Reiser suggest giving them the gift of a meaningful experience instead. Time spent together, not a new video game system or wardrobe, will truly stick

with them and shape their worldviews. Here are some ideas to get you started:

Choose an event to attend together. Get a schedule of local holiday-themed concerts, plays, parades, shows, and other events, and choose a few to attend as a family. Your kids (and you!) will enjoy counting down to these outings, and you'll have an even better time attending them. Plus, everyone will remember the live performance of White Christmas or the holiday-themed magic show much longer than they will a bevy of action figures under the tree. Even better? In most communities there are plenty of events to choose from that are free to the public! It just goes to show that you don't have to spend a mint to make memories over the holidays. 

Remember: There really is no place like home for the holidays. Making special holiday memories doesn't always have to mean going somewhere. In fact, some of your most treasured experiences can be created inside the four walls of your house, and they don't have to cost a lot of money or cause a lot of stress to be perfect! Take a regular weeknight dinner and turn it into a magical holiday meal by dimming the lights, lighting candles on the table, and playing soft holiday music in the background. Serve sparkling juice or cider in special glasses and pull out the fancy china for once. It's a special night you and your family won't soon forget!

 

Set your family up for success. On the best of days, kids will be kids...and their propensity for energy, misbehavior, and hijinks grows exponentially when they're excited. Whenever your family is preparing for any sort of event this season, don't assume that the "usual" rules are at the forefront of young minds. Go over your expectations—and potential consequences—beforehand so that you don't spend the whole time scolding and correcting. And as a parent, take the time to remind yourself that children are often overstimulated, overexcited, and saturated with sugar this time of year. If you don't think your brood can handle sitting still for an hour-long concert, then make the choice not to go. You'll save yourself a lot of stress, anger, and disappointment in the long run.

 

Make meaningful conversation. Conversation is the foundation upon which any memorable event is built. So to make the most of outings and experiences this holiday season, have a few meaningful topics up your sleeve to engage your family. Otherwise, you'll find yourself griping about chore lists, homework, and soccer schedules during your special outing—instead of the things you really wanted to share. For example, as you drive around your neighborhood looking at Christmas lights, you may want to ask your kids about their favorite Christmas memories. Or, before attending a church service or local event, sit down and talk about what Christmas truly means to each member of your family. You may be surprised at the answers—and it will make each event and activity that much more meaningful.

 

Dress up! It's amazing how getting all dolled up can take an event from "okay" to "outstanding." If you frame your holiday outings as opportunities instead of as obligations, your kids probably won't mind putting on their fancy duds...and they'll definitely remember the fact that Mom and Dad thought that they were mature enough to attend such a special event! (And you can take the opportunity to snap some photos everyone will enjoy looking at for years to come.) 

 

Make something out of nothing. A meaningful experience doesn't have to cost a massive amount of money, and it doesn't have to be a once-in-a-lifetime event. In fact, your family can make "routine" holiday tasks into beloved traditions. For example, get everyone together to wrap gifts for friends and family, and share hot chocolate and cookies while you're curling ribbon and cutting paper. Or let everyone climb into special holiday pajamas, then pile in the car and look at all of the beautiful holiday lights in your town.

 

Give thanks. As the saying goes, "Remember the reason for the season." Depending on your family's beliefs and background, that "reason" might differ from your neighbor's, but one thing's for sure: This is a time to be grateful and to count blessings. Whenever your family visits a friend or attends a special event, make sure to point out to your children how fortunate they are to have such individuals and opportunities in their lives...and point out that not every child around the world is so privileged.  

Give back. If your family is counting its blessings, the natural next step is to reach out to those whose holiday seasons might not be filled with much cheer. Consider donating to a charity instead of giving as many gifts, volunteering at a soup kitchen, or caroling at a nursing home. This is the perfect time of year to teach children that it truly is better to give than to receive—and it can actually feel really good, too. These experiences will instill values in your children and broaden their perspective on holiday privileges.

 

Live in the moment. It's easy to get caught up in the hoopla of the holidays, and not living in the moment is a downright joy robber. If you're constantly setting your sights on the next holiday party or dance recital on your calendar, you won't be fully enjoying the activity you're currently doing. Reveling in the now and accepting the (minor) flaws that might come along allows you to truly experience the benefits of living in the present. Those moments with family and friends will be that much sweeter.

Husband and wife, David and Andrea Reiser are authors of the new book Letters From Home: A Wake-up Call for Success & Wealth (Wiley, 2010, ISBN: 978-0-4706379-2-0, $27.95, www.ReiserMedia.com).

Thirteen Ways to Overhaul the Whole Household

Ready to start overhauling your household? Read on for thirteen simple but powerful changes that can make a big difference in how your family operates:

Make a "positive meal times" rule. No one is allowed to gripe or argue. Many days, meals are the only times when everyone (or nearly everyone) is together—and the prevailing mood can set the tone for family interactions for hours, if not days, to come. Instead of focusing on what's wrong, consciously discuss good things that have happened, and what you're all looking forward to doing in the future.

Homework comes before free time. No exceptions. Even if your kids have five hours before bed and only an hour of homework to complete, they should tackle their assignments before engaging in the "fun" stuff. This will teach them to prioritize responsibly because their best efforts will be going toward the tasks with lasting value.

Divvy up household chores and insist that they're done daily. It takes a lot to keep a house relatively clean, in good repair, and fairly tidy. And just because you're the adult does not mean you should do it all! Make sure everyone contributes. Even small children can put their toys away. Not only will this keep the house clean, it will teach a healthy work ethic and demonstrate the value of sharing responsibilities.

 

Become an on-time (or early!) family. How often are you and your kids scrambling around, frantically trying to get to school or work or soccer on time? From now on, strive to make the answer "almost never." Building a few extra minutes into your schedule isn't hard—but it has immense value. Timeliness reflects well on anyone's character and contributes greatly to peace of mind. Get behind a slow car? No matter! This erstwhile annoyance won't set you off because you've got extra time.

Make one day a week a "no electronics" day. Yes, you read that right. The Reisers really are suggesting that you ban all types of electronic entertainment for one day a week. On this day, no one can watch TV, play video games, or text their friends. No one can zone out in front of the computer (yes, this means parents, too!).

Choose a "cause" to support as a family. While America seems to be filled with an increasing number of selfish, entitled children (and adults!), your family doesn't have to swell those numbers. One of the biggest antidotes to self-centeredness, say the Reisers, is giving back—plus, donating time and money to those who need it fosters perspective, counteracts the "gimmies," and establishes a meaningful connection with the human race as a whole.

Make sure that politeness is paramount. These days, courtesy isn't so common anymore. Explain to your kids the importance of using respectful language like "yes, ma'am," "no, sir," "please," and "thank you," and also teach them basic politeness tenets like looking others in the eye and extending a hand to shake. Model these behaviors yourself in public and at home, and praise your kids when you see them following your lead.

Teach your kids to disagree agreeably (and do it yourself, too). Getting into disagreements from time to time is part of life—but outright fights don't have to be. Model the art of healthy conflict to your kids—at home and in public. For example, hear your spouse out when you disagree and reply without raising your voice. Strive for direct communication instead of passive-aggressive manipulation. These communication strategies will foster mutual respect and help create authentic relationships—inside and outside of your home.

Place a premium on respect. Respect isn't something you can choose to show when you feel like it—it's an attitude you either have or you don't. Don't allow bad language or name-calling under any circumstances, and teach your kids to be polite and deferential to all established authority figures—regardless of whether they agree with what they're being told to do or not.

When big decisions or issues loom, hold family meetings to get everyone's input. Obviously, Mom's and Dad's opinions carry the most weight in a majority of situations, but as long as the issue or decision at hand is age-appropriate, it's important for everyone's opinion to be heard and considered. This sort of consideration and transparency will foster respect all around.

 

Make saving a family affair. There's no doubt about it—raising a family and running a household are expensive! While it's true that everyone can't contribute equally, it's a wise idea for everyone to contribute something—especially toward non-essential but much-anticipated objects and experiences. Involving your kids will teach them more about saving, prioritizing, and the value of a dollar than words ever could!

 

Insist that everyone set goals and report on them regularly. Without goals, most of us would merely drift through life, making the best of whatever came our ways. Sometimes this strategy works—but most of the time, it's a recipe for disappointment and regret. Teach your kids early on that setting realistic goals is a great way to stay on track and to get to where they want to be—especially when folks who care about them are there to help them along!

Promise that everyone (yes, you too!) will face the music when rules are broken. "Do as I say, not as I do" is no way to teach your kids lasting values. When you or your spouse make mistakes, admit it! You don't have to ground yourselves, but you should issue apologies where necessary and do what you can to rectify things. 

Excerpts taken by  David and Andrea Reiser article "My Family's Out of Control!": Thirteen Ways to Overhaul the Whole Household"

Revolution Revver-Uppers: Thirty Small (and Not-So-Small) Things You Can Do to Start a Grassroots Culture Shift

By David and Andrea Reiser, coauthors of Letters From Home: A Wake-up Call for

Success & Wealth (Wiley, 2010, ISBN: 978-0-4706379-2-0, $27.95, www.ReiserMedia.com)

Refuse to acknowledge anyone who doesn't say "please" and "thank you." It's the best way to showcase the critical importance of courtesy and good manners—with your children, yes, but also with other adults.

Do the right thing, even if it's really, really tough. (Especially if it's really, really tough.) Whether you're blowing the whistle on an embezzling boss or returning the extra $10 the cashier gave you by mistake, acting with integrity is its own reward. Plus, it's a more powerful teaching moment for your kids than all your lectures combined.

Take a stand—even if it makes people uncomfortable. If someone you know is doing something wrong—say, cheating on a spouse or bullying a coworker—confront him or her. If you don't put yourself out there, who will?

If you really believe in it, fight for it. (Getting worn down from "fighting the good fight" is no reason to give in and abandon your convictions.) When we're dealing with difficult situations and conflicts, it's easy to get fed up and "wash our hands" of the problem. As a result, those with the most stamina and the loudest voices end up running things. (This is how bad policies get signed into law and other poor decisions get made.) From now on, resolve to stay strong and refuse to go down without a fight. If it's important to you, it's worth your time and energy to see it through to the end. 

Don't just complain about politics; do something about it. Write your congressperson. Join a political action group. At the very least, vote.

Don't tell white lies. Don't accept them either. Just be honest and heartfelt. Everyone may not "like" you, but they'll know where you stand. (Most likely, the vast majority will find you to be a breath of fresh air!)

If you can't pay cash for it, don't buy it. Consumer credit has been the downfall of many a family.

Find a way to give back. Help your children do the same. Volunteer work done as a family teaches gratitude and kindness and creates precious "together time."

Be willing to do whatever needs to be done, whether you love every minute of it or not. Show up; don't just phone it in. If you rely on others to accomplish what you want to see happening in the world, you'll be waiting a long time.

Learn everything you can, from anyone you can, at any time you can. You never know when that knowledge might come in handy.

Don't dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what you can do to move forward. Otherwise, you may stare so long at the closing door that you may not realize another is opening.

Make sure you're not living in a dream world. Surround yourself with people you trust who are willing to give you an honest critique, and listen intently to what they have to say.

Know when to cut your losses. Everyone makes mistakes and goes down the wrong path from time to time. The trick is to know when it's time to refocus your efforts.

Be a person of your word. Do what you say you're going to do, whether people are watching you or not.

Take the forward view instead of wallowing in past failures. Spend time productively, making positive changes, and finding solutions—not whining and complaining.

If it's tough and tedious, that's okay—as long as it's taking you somewhere that matters. Be willing to make a temporary sacrifice for a longer-term payoff.

Allow your children to make mistakes. No, don't let them put themselves in terrible danger...but don't "fix" everything for them, either. If you do, they'll never learn to problem-solve and pick themselves up after taking a spill.

Embrace the "Suck it up, Dude!" approach to setbacks. Quit whining, get over it, and move on. This is a good philosophy for raising kids with resilience—and also for fostering that valuable quality in yourself!

Don't play the blame game, and don't allow your children to, either. Whether your circumstances have been negatively impacted by a person, your genes, the weather, or something else entirely, you'll never move forward if you don't take responsibility for what happens from here on out.

Challenge yourself to make life better for everyone you meet. Doing this can be as simple as offering a heartfelt smile!

Keep a gratitude journal. Writing down the many ways in which you've been blessed will make a tangible difference to your level of happiness.

Be courteous.  Hold the door open for someone. Let another driver merge into traffic. If the toilet paper roll is empty, replace it. These are little ways of showing respect to others.

Say it nicely if you can. Yes, get your point across. But don't let a nasty tone creep into your voice. Whether you're trying to send a badly cooked steak back to the kitchen, critique an employee, or ask your spouse to stop burning up the credit card, you'll get better results if you stay calm and reasonable.

When people are doing a good job, tell them so. This might be your server, your bank teller, your coworker, or your spouse. Everyone likes to hear praise for their efforts once in a while.

Measure your decisions against your regret. Ask yourself, "If I pass up this opportunity, will I regret it?" If the answer is "yes," then act.

Find your own "dirty little secret." No, not that kind of secret. Ask yourself what you really want out of life (it's amazing how many people are afraid of the answer!) and go for it!

Make every moment count. Don't waste your life worrying about situations and issues you can't do something about—and remember to get the most out of all you do by being fully present.

Break out of your comfort zone. Take a different route to work. Start a conversation with the person behind you in line at the coffee shop. Volunteer in your community. All complacency and no challenge makes you a dull American!

Set boundaries—and don't move them. Decide how you want to spend your time, how you want to rank your priorities, and what you will and won't tolerate—and then stick to your guns.

Guard your reputation like it's gold. (It is.) Before you do something you're not sure about, ask yourself: Would I be upset if this appeared on the front page of the newspaper? If the answer is yes, don't do it.